Episode 13 - Below the Surface with Jason Jensen (extended episode)
In this extended episode, Jake and Brett are joined by their good friend Jason Jensen, co-founder of Glass Canvas, and discuss living as an orphan/son, three common styles of relating, and ways to foster stronger relationships with other men.
Key Points:
Time stamp format (hh:mm:ss)
(00:01:18) - Introduction, Highs & Lows
(00:20:00) - Orphan Son
Orphans believe they do not have a father who loves them and they have to do life on their own
Orphans are self-protective
Jesus came to give us his father as our father
Living as a son changes our experience of Mass and the other Sacraments
Baptism makes us sons and daughters of God
The Father wants a close, daily, ongoing relationship with us, his sons
Worry is much less in sonship
When operating in sonship we are relaxed
Sonship has real authority and power
(00:35:09) Three styles of relating are 1) moving toward, 2) moving away, 3) moving against - we can operate in all three either asa son or an orphan
Changing from the orphan to the son requires courage - we need to decide ahead of time who I want to be in future situations
When we operate in sonship Jesus in present working in us and in the other
Our spouse is meant to be an ally in the journey of life
(00:47:00) Engaging in life as a son when it’s hard requires the grace of courage and humility
We need to celebrate the heroic moments when we lean into adversity
We need to reject passivity as men
8 seconds of pain can lead us into a heroic moment of sonship
Making mistakes in our attempts to be a son is different than sinning
Repairing in an important part of sonship
We need self-awareness, courage, and then right action
We can be more self-aware by paying closer attention to our bodies, emotions, and thoughts
Courage doesn’t feel like courage in the moment
(01:01:06)- What’s inspiring you right now?
Men can recover their heart by paying attention to what inspires them
Close male friendship is so valuable
Men’s group without purposeful vulnerability often fails
Men’s groups could benefit from articulating a path toward and the cost of building committed, authentic male friendship
(01:17:05) Brother wounds are just as real as father wounds - we can heal that wound by risking a deep relationship with Jesus
Vulnerability is the same as honesty
We need to be prudent and modest when we choose vulnerability; not everyone can honour our vulnerability or we might need more relationship before we can be more vulnerable
Vulnerability in relationship goes deeper as trust increases
Just purging emotions and emotionally dumping isn’t the point or goal of vulnerability
Listening is better than advice giving
A good default for men’s groups is presence (moving toward) and very cautiously move against
(01:32:35)A good goal for relationships with men is to listen to understand and reflect back
Commitment is important to good masculine relationship
Men’s group don’t always have to be deep
(01:39:53) - It’s harder to listen to God’s voice outside of relationship
We can hear God’s voice on behalf of other men but we need to know His (both the man and God’s) heart well
(01:44:42) An ideal is to hear daily affirmation from God the Father
Our spiritual radar isn’t sensitive enough to detect every movement of God
When looking for daily affection from the Father, we have to be looking and be looking for simple movements in unique ways to you (a love language)
Discussion Questions:
What are things that struck you from this episode?
How do you recognize the orphan in your life?
What’s your dad (God the Father) like? Do you know Him? Do you want to know him? Why or why not?
When are some times you’ve lived as a son of the Father? How was that different than living like an orphan?
In light of the three styles of relating, how do I operate in them as a son? As an orphan?
If you had to describe Jesus in one word, what would it be?
What’s inspiring you?
What do you believe about the deep desires of your heart? Do you believe they are good? Bad? Not important? Why? What might they be saying about God’s will for your life?
Have you suffered from “brother wounds?” Are you willing to regularly invite Jesus into those hurt places?
For Jake it was eagles and light, have you noticed a particular way that God speaks uniquely and consistently?
Resources:
Jason Jensen - Instagram: @jasonjensen
Glass Canvas - Instagram: @glasscanvas.io, Twitter: @glasscanvas_io
Rich Roll podcast with John McCoy
Dallas Willard’s One Word for Jesus
Become Good Soil Podcast: Getting Naked - Styles of Relating
More information about Karen Horney and the styles of relating
Dare to Lead by Brené Brown
Love Does by Bob Goff
